


Let's Get Married

by deathclassic



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 references, Australia, M/M, Marriage, just read i promise it's amusing, proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-20 13:49:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10663929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathclassic/pseuds/deathclassic
Summary: "Let's get married" Dan announces when he walked into the lounge where he knew Phil would be sitting with his laptop."Say again?" Phil asked looking up at Dan in the doorway, he was wearing one of Phil's shirts."Let's get married" he repeated"No" Phil went back to paying attention to whatever was on his laptop screen.





	Let's Get Married

**Author's Note:**

> Dan's a persistant piece of shit but we love him
> 
> Russian translation: https://ficbook.net/readfic/5473893

"Let's get married" Dan announces when he walked into the lounge where he knew Phil would be sitting with his laptop.

"Say again?" Phil asked looking up at Dan in the doorway, he was wearing one of Phil's shirts. 

"Let's get married" he repeated 

"No" Phil went back to paying attention to whatever was on his laptop screen. 

"C'mon! Why not?" Dan groaned and fell onto the couch in his designated seat "Tell me one good reason we shouldn't get married"

"A big reason is that we're not together" Phil points out "Usually people get married when they're actually a couple"

"Usually" Dan emphasised "But we're unusual anyway so we should get married"

"How much fanfiction have you been reading to make you actually leave your room and ask me to marry you?" Phil questioned in an amused tone

"Not a lot besides you're gonna propose to me, obviously" Dan replied like Phil was an idiot

"You literally just asked me to marry you"

"No I didn't, I said 'let's get married' meaning that we should get married whereas you would be saying 'Dan, will you marry me' which I would say 'yes' to because you asked me a direct question. I said a statement you will say a question"

"Well, I won't be asking you any time soon" Phil moves his laptop to the table and stands up. He raises his arms in the air to have a little stretch and Dan looks at the area of skin that appeared when Phil's shirt rides up. "I'm going to make stirfry for dinner, sound good?"

"No capsicum" Dan starts "I don't -"

"Don't like capsicum" Phil finishes as he leaves the lounge "I know"

"See" Dan stands up and follows Phil into the kitchen like a dog "This is why we should get married"

"We should get married because I know you don't like capsicum?" Phil laughs as he starts pulling out ingredients and laying them on the counter "The answer is still no"

 

Dan rolled his eyes at Phil's ignorance and retreated back to his room to reply to some tweets about the new gaming video they had uploaded a few hours prior until Phil told him to hurry up and have some dinner before he eats all of it. It's happened before so Dan closes his laptop and hurries to the dining area where Phil has set a plate in front of the black chair because Phil knows that that's the only chair Dan will sit in. 

 

Dan brings up marriage later that night when he asks if he could use Phil's shampoo because he had run out of his own. 

"This is another reason we should get married" Dan says as he walks back to his room from his shower "We wouldn't have to get two different shampoo's all the time"

"That's a stupid reason to get married"

"No it's not!" Dan squawked indigiently "It's a very good reason! It'll be cheaper on our grocery bills!"

"You want to get married so we can only get one type of shampoo and cheaper groceries?" Phil asked slowly as if he couldn't understand what Dan was getting at. He actually couldn't. 

"Yes" Dan nods letting a few droplets of water fall onto the carpet of Phil's bedroom "And it should be mine"

"If we were to only buy one type of shampoo, it would be mine" Phil rolls his eyes and turns his attention back to the book he was reading. "I'm allergic to your shampoo, that's why you started buying it in the first place so I wouldn't use it"

"I'm a changed man" Dan grumbles before speaking up "It's okay, I like your shampoo, I like the smell of yours"

"I know you do, that's why I keep buying it"

 

A week later Dan is still bugging Phil about marriage and Phil is finding it quite endearing but at times it can be rather annoying. He doesn't appreciate Dan standing in front of the TV when he's in the middle of a video game and Dan starts ranting about how it's his turn to unload the dishwasher and if he was a good husband he would do it without Dan reminding him and then Phil has to remind him that they aren't married to which Dan replies with a confident 'yet' as if he's certain Phil is going to pop the question in just a few minutes or something else as ridiculous. 

They're in Sydney, Australia and there's been a mistake with the hotel room as they have been put in a room with one bed. Phil suspects that Dan had something to do with it but he didn't necessarily mind, they share beds ocassionally to this day and it's not that big of a deal. It's just that Dan moves a lot in his sleep and he kicks his legs out and one memorable time actually punched Phil in the face during a particularly restless night. 

 

"See if we were married, it would be normal to get one bed and it would be easier booking hotel room" Dan points out as he sets his suitcase at the foot of the bed. 

"We're not getting married because it makes booking hotels easier" Phil sighs

"Right" Dan nods in agreement "We should get married because if we were we'd get nicer rooms and honeymoon suites"

"We're not getting married full stop"

 

That night when it's nearing 1am, Dan lies awake because his thoughts were whirling in his mind and distracting him from sleeping. He rolls over to face Phil and hesitates for a few seconds before reaching over and poking at Phil's peaceful looking face. 

 

"Phil" Dan says quietly as he pokes at Phil's cheek "Wake up, Phil, Phil, Phil, wake up you ass, cmon, Phil, Muse broke up"

"What? Did they actually?" Phil finally opened his eyes blearly and his voice was deepened with sleep. 

"I can't believe I had to lie about a band you don't even listen to that much anymore breaking up to wake you up" Dan says in an exasperated tone "Worst husband ever"

"I'm not your husband" Phil yawns

"Not important" Dan brushes Phil's comment off "Is the reason you don't want to get married because you're not gay"

"That's part of it" Phil closes his eyes sleepily but opens again when Dan kicks him in the knee "You're not gay either"

"You don't have to be gay to marry a dude" Dan frowns "You could be bi or something"

"I can feel my heterosexuality slipping away" Phil yawns again 

"You're not any straighter than me! You let me suck your dick multiple times in 2009"

"That was 8 years ago" Phil rubs at his face 

"Nearly 9" Dan quips

"I haven't done anything remotely gay since then" Phil continues 

"You're literally sharing a bed with a dude right now, sorry to break it to you"

"You don't count"

"Gee thanks" Dan rolls his eyes

"If I was to get married to someone, I would like to have some sexual pleasures" Phil's 1am mind doing all the talking because day time Phil wouldn't say something like this so explicitly. 

"I can do that" Dan says in a somewhat eager voice "I have 2 holes they might as well be put to use right?"

"I'm not going to have sex with you" 

"A lot of people would pay good money to have sex with me"

"Don't sell your body for money" Phil reaches out and squeezes Dan's hand "I'll buy it back off whoever buys it"

 

They've kind of been avoiding the other people at this gathering apart from Lindsey Stirling who they've met at previous conventions but they honestly had no desire to mingle with the other people so they've just kept to themselves and let everyone else believe they were just being stuck up because they were 'big' YouTubers. 

Dan's frowning at the lanyard he's been given that allows him to all the places in the venue in case security don't recognise him. They spelt his surname wrong, apparently he was Dan Howl. 

 

"This is another reason we should get married" Dan holds up his lanyard to Phil who looks up from his phone uninterested in what Dan has to say. 

"Why would us being married change anything about your lanyard" Phil questions 

"They wouldn't spell my name wrong" Dan turns the lanyard so he can glare at his misspelt name again "If we were married they wouldn't spell my name wrong because we'd have the same surname"

"Are you suggesting that you'd take my surname?" Phil asks with a hint of amusement 

"Duh" Dan rolls his eyes like he couldn't believe Phil was even asking the question in the first place "Phil Howell sounds fucking stupid but Dan Lester works"

"Daniel James Lester" Phil says "Does have a nice ring to it, doesn't it?"

"You say shit like that and then say we shouldn't get married" Dan replies and it sounds sulkier than he intended but he didn't care. 

"I never said we shouldn't get married" Phil says looking back at his phone "I just think people should be dating before they get married"

"Then ask me on a date" Dan crosses his arm "C'mon, ask me out right now"

"Nah" Phil shakes his head with a laugh "I'm good"

 

"Are you seeing someone else?" Dan asks after their meet and greet with Sydney fans "Is that why you don't want to marry me? And why didn't you tell me you were seeing someone?"

"Yeah, I'm seeing someone" Phil rolls his eyes "Me and Janice are going on 7 years now, we're gonna get a house and a dog, 10 of them, 10 dogs"

"I can work with polyamory" Dan says feeling slightly betrayed at Phil even suggesting of seeing someone else and owning 10 dogs with them. He wants to own 10 dogs with Phil not fucking Janice. 

"No you can't" Phil wraps an arm around Dan's waist and pulls him closer "You're the clingiest person I've ever met"

 

"We should get married because no one else is going to put up with you leaving every single cupboard door open in the kitchen" Dan says as he lets Phil paint his nails with some glitter polish. "It's so fucking annoying"

"Mhmm" Phil sticks his tongue out in concentration "LIke you don't do annoying things"

"I'm the least annoying person thank you very much" Dan acts offended 

"You literally begged me for 20 minutes to paint your nails" Phil replies as he blows lightly on Dan's fingertips 

"Well you were gonna have to do one hand either way so I just made you do both" Dan shrugs like it was obvious "Besides you love me and want to make me happy"

"I do love you" Phil agrees

"Then marry me"

"Just because I love you doesn't mean I'm going to marry you"

"Well if two people love each other then they get married"

"I'm not marrying you"

"Bryony and Wirrow are best friends who love each other and they're married"

"Because it's not like they've been dating for years or anything" Phil puts away the nail polish and stands up "Let's go, we have a plane to catch"

"Can I -" Dan starts 

"Yes you can have the window seat"

 

Dan takes a selfie on the plane to show off is new glitter nails and shows it to Phil before posting who says he looks beautiful. 

 

"I can be your beautiful husband" Dan grins as he posts the picture and sees a few people freaking out over his nails. 

"Mhmm" Phil hums not paying attention as he flips through the free travel magazine in the seat in front of him. 

"I'm literally the only person that can tolerate you leaving socks all over the house"

"I don't want to marry you just because you can tolerate my socks. That's like me marrying you because you tap on every bloody surface of the house"

"Well, it's not like someone wants to marry someone who steals all of the other persons cereal"

"It's why you buy two boxes of the same cereal" Phil recites as if he's heard this speech before (he has). "At least I can somewhat understand your ugly handwriting"

"It's called being left handed" Dan crosses his arms in protest "It's a serious problem"

"Are you sure that's the problem? You might just have bad handwriting"

"This is why we should get married!"

"I'm not marrying you because I know you chew pencils"

"You're so kind to me" Dan says sarcastically as Phil leans forward and presses a chaste kiss to Dan's now blushing cheek. 

"Love you"

"So marry me"

 

Phil ignores him. 

 

"Do you really love me?" Dan asks as it nears 12am and they're sitting on the synthetic grass places alongside the Yarra River in Melbourne. They're going home to England the next day and Dan's not lying when he says he misses their apartment. 

"Of course I do" Phil looks affronted as if Dan thinks he doesn't love him "What makes you say that?"

"If you loved me, you would marry me" Dan pouts a little unintentionally "I don't see any other reason on why you wouldn't marry me"

"We've never properly dated" Phil leans back on his hands as he looks at the Melbourne city skyline lights reflect on the black river water. "It's too fast"

"Everyone thinks we're dating anyway" Dan points out "I don't see how that's any different"

"Actually dating and millions of people liking the idea of us dating isn't the same thing, Dan" Phil sighs "PJ and Sophie have been dating for years and aren't thinking of marriage"

"I don't get why you won't marry me" Dan sniffs a little "You like dick well enough to not be considered straight and you know I like you more than a friend, you've known since 2009"

"I know" Phil sighs again "I like you as more than a friend too"

"Why didn't we date then?" 

"You were young Dan" Phil reaches over to grab Dan's hand "You were barely 18 when we met and I was 22, they age difference doesn't seem that big now but back then it was huge, you were just legal and I had been legal for 4 years"

"Is that it? Just because I was young" Dan asks "Then why didn't we date when I was 20? 21? 22? Fuck why didn't we date when I was 25? Shut up I know I'm still 25 but you're 30 now! 30! My parents had 2 kids by the time they were 30!"

"I didn't think you were ready when you were 18, I let you suck me off back then because I was stupid and was blinded by this gorgeous boy who idolised me and I liked the attention and I liked the way you looked at me and Dan you were so insanely beautiful and you still are, you've always been beauitful and you can get anyone you want, someone who deserves your beauty more than I do"

"Was it a pity blowjob" Dan questions angrily "All those years ago, was it because you fucking felt sorry for me?"

"Of course not, I had a crush on you too" Phil shakes his head quickly "I still have a crush on you Dan, I just thought you'd find someone better"

"You're the only person I want, Phil, I've never wanted anyone else, I tried but I gave up years ago and just accepted that I'll never get over you and everyone ships us anyway so I thought by bringing up marriage something might happen"

 

Phil sits up properly and leans into Dan, pressing his lips against his. They've kissed before, they kiss each other on the cheek every once in a while, sometimes a kiss on the head but they don't kiss on the lips that often. They haven't kissed like this since 2010. The feeling hasn't changed since. 

 

Dan stops bringing up the idea of marriage and they don't talk about that night in Melbourne either. They sleep in the same bed and Dan's laptop and phone charges have migrated into Phil's room. 

They make a few gaming videos and some main channel videos. Phil asks Dan to make a video with him and Dan agrees. Dan's not entirely sure what the video is on and it seems kinda of stupid in his opinion because who the fuck wants to see a 10 minute video of them playing word puzzles. He doesn't say anything as he comments on the words he finds in his wordsearch. In his defense, it's hard to bant over wordsearches and he watches as Phil smiles to himself and circles another word. 

 

"Well, that took longer than expected" Phil announces to the camera "Now, the fun thing about these wordsearches is that the remaining letters make a sentence!'

The two of them take a minute to write down the leftover letters into a sentence and Dan's heart leaps into his throat as he looks at Phil in disbelief. 

"Mine says 'expect the unexpected' which is a bit weird" Phil laughs but it's forced as he glances over at Dan. "What does yours say?"

"Um" he looks at the camera before looking back at his paper "It says, 'Dan, will you marry me?'"

"I don't even know why I'm asking because I know what you're going to say" Phil laughs again, fond lacing every sound and reaches under his pillow where a black velvet box had been hidden. "You've been pestering me about marriage for weeks now and I kept saying no because I wanted to surprise you"

"I'm surprised" Dan's eyes are wide and he can feel tears threatening to fall "I wasn't expecting this"

"I know" Phil smiles and opens the box towards Dan, sliding off the bed and onto the floor where he balances on one knee. "So what do you say, you said you wanted to become Daniel Lester"

"Of course I'll marry you" Dan grins as Phil takes the ring out of the box and slides it on his ring finger, Dan wiggles it liking the way the light bounces off the small diamonds. "I can't believe this, wow, I'm marrying you"

"Yup" Phil sits back on the bed "And there you have it, Dan and I are getting married!"

 

"I bet we broke the Internet" Dan comments after Phil switches the camera off "Wow this has real diamonds on it"

"I wasn't going to propose to you with a plastic toy" Phil laughed "I might as well go edit this now, don't post a picture or tweet anything"

"I would never" Dan looks up innocently and Phil scoffs as he carries the camera up to the office.

 

"Hey Phil" Dan wanders into the office later that evening after they've eaten dinner and Phil's nearly done with editing "What colour flowers should we have at the wedding?"

"We literally JUST got engaged, wait a little before you start planning it, okay?" Phil groans 

"Okay, but here me out, red roses because black will look like a funeral and it's a wedding"

"It's a funeral for the last remaining bit of heterosexuality"

"Please, that left as soon as you proposed to me" Dan rolls his eyes fondly "Anyway, what type of cake do we want?"

**Author's Note:**

> feedback is appreciated :)


End file.
